It's Britney, Bitch

Juuuuusssst kidding, it's Tanner. Sooooo little blog and 2, perhaps 3, readers...I've been away for awhile but have been super busy trying to get in shape! Just kidding, I spent 3 weeks basically not exercising at all and eating whatever I wanted - hello cookies and ice cream - because I was lazy as shit (but still somehow managed to lose a pound, yay for breastfeeding!).

ANYWAY, I am back now and am back on the exercise wagon. I'm also taking a break from Paleo because I feel like I was eating WAY too much meat and frankly I wanted to eat some fucking cereal. The good news is that I've lost 5 lbs since I started blogging in early July - the bad news is that I've ONLY lost 5 pounds in these 7 weeks and that sucks a bag of dicks in my opinion. Especially since if I had just exercised and counted some fucking calories over the past 3 weeks I would probably be at my damn original goal weight by now!! Live and learn.

I originally wanted to lose 10 pounds for my goal, but I'm thinking that 15 might be better. I've already lost 5, so 10 more and I'll be good. Woohoo, I'm so excited to get started again! I'm tired of being lazy and I already feel so much better since I started exercising again this week. Even running in 100+ degree heat in the evenings feels better than sitting on the couch.

BEFORE photos...

Soooooooo...I think I'm serious about this now, because I'm about to show you something that I'm not exactly proud of...

THE BEFORE

Feel free to weep. I know I do. This is what 60 pounds of unhappiness looks like.

You know what this means, right? I have to show progress in pictures now, if I don't want to feel like a sloppy fool. You've seen the worst...now, get ready for the best! Or at least the better.

And THIS is how I'm going to get there:

6 peaches

4 stalks celery

4 carrots

2 big leaves kale

2 cups spinach

That's a 52-ounce container, and it was almost full.

Conclusion: heavy on the celery, but good!

(photo's blurry, but it was orange in color)

4 cucumbers

3 apples

2 stalks celery

1 cup spinach

And this is only half - a 24 ounce container, nearly full - Hubsy took the other half to work with him.

Conclusion: heavy on the cucumber (one day I'll get my proportions right), but refreshing! Tastes like cucumber water, but sweet because of the apples.

This is the pulp left over from the last batch (amazingly, it only made a handful of pulp!), plus half of the pulp from a strawberry/peach/apple juice we did this morning. I'm going to make it into a soup!

The other half of the strawberry pulp mixture I stirred into some plain yogurt and ate with a handful of walnuts for breakfast. It was DELICIOUS! The fruit pulp tastes almost like jam.

The craziest part about the veggie pulp is that it is completely dry - almost like a sandy veggie paste. The machine really spins out ALL of the juice and just leaves the dry pulp! Sounds unappetizing, but add some onions, garlic, and broth, and you've got a tasty veggie soup, and you get to use up the roughage of the veggies after you've drunk the juice. That way, you don't waste anything, and you get to eat the insoluble fiber (the soluble fiber all ends up in the juice). It's a pretty efficient way to eat your veggies - you get 90% of the nutrients by drinking the juice, which is way more than you'd get by cooking them, and then you still get all the fiber, both soluble and insoluble.

The most amazing part is, we get such a burst of energy after drinking the juice - Hubsy and I were literally jumping around the kitchen after we drank ours this morning! I don't want to sound like some nutty health freak, but if this is how we're going to get in our daily fresh fruit and veggie quota, I could totally see us doing this for the rest of our lives. Think about it - let's just list all the fruits and veggies we've already consumed in the last 24 hours alone:

7 peaches

6 stalks celery

4 carrots

2 big leaves kale

3 cups spinach

4 cucumbers

4 apples

10 strawberries

Plus, with lunch yesterday we had squash and onion casserole, and stuffed zucchini (both leftover from when my parents were here - they have a hard time consuming veggies without some sort of cream or cheese involved). Amazingly, I think we may have actually gotten in our 4-5 servings veggies (or is the recommendation 6-7 now?) and 2-3 servings fruit! We've each had about 48 ounces of juice, which is 8 servings fruits/veggies. I find that incredible.

Anyway, enough about my new obsession - off to Zumba now! (Which, seeing as today is the first day since my parents left that I've had the energy for it, it's about time!)

Juicing for Joy

Really, Tanner? "Aunt Flo"? Please never use that euphemism again. Ever.

My excuse is that I had REAL company in town - my parents. While we ate most of our meals at home, and used a lot of fresh veggies from our CSA farm share, we also ate a lot of ice cream. What? It was super hot and I don't have air conditioning. I think ice cream was appropriate.

Anyway, I did do Zumba once while they were here, in the hopes that they would see how fun it is and do it with me, but instead they just laughed at me. We did make them walk around a lot downtown, until Mom almost pooped herself once (combo of too much food and wine and unusual physical activity), so that put an end to general movement of any kind. Now that the heat wave has broken, the Hubs and I can get back out on our bikes and for walks (as long as my still-healing ankle can take it). However, we are only going to be doing light exercise for the next couple of weeks, because we are juicing.

Yes, people, juicing. No, not like taking steroids. Like turning all of the fresh veggies and fruits in Vermont into delicious, unfiltered juice! And using the pulp in soups! It's going to be fantastic!

Don't share my enthusiasm? Before you make a decision, watch the Joe Cross documentary "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead", about his struggle to find a cure for a rare immune disease for which conventional medicine was not working. Turns out, the cure was hidden in increasing his fresh veggie and fruit intake, which in turn helped him lose over 100 pounds.

I do not have a rare immune disease. I'm not 100 pounds overweight (although 60 is close enough). I am, however, at high risk for diabetes, heart disease, and stroke, and no matter how many veggies I seem to cook, we're still not eating enough. Therefore, we are going to drink them! And then use the pulp in other recipes. It's an experiment - we're going out on a limb here - but I can't see how it will hurt. We may even try an actual "juice fast" (kind of a misnomer, because you're not really fasting - you still get plenty of calories, protein, fiber, and nutrients) to break our current eating habits, which, while not horrible, are not ideal.

I thought this would be a good time to talk about stats, since I'll want to compare the before and after.

Weight: 235 (I've gained back 2 of the 5 lbs. I lost during our Jillian Michaels challenge)

Waist: 42 inches

Hips: 49 inches

Thigh: 30 inches

Upper Arm: 17 inches

My plan is to incorporate 1-2 juices a day for the first few days, to get our systems used to it, before beginning to replace any meals with juicing. We'll be using kale, cabbage, celery, carrots, cucumbers, radishes, beets, and any other veggies we get from our CSA, along with apples, plums, and citrus fruits. We're still eating dairy, eggs, and meat right now, but the goal is to eventually reduce the dairy and only eat meat once a week (just the organic, free-range pork and chicken we get from the CSA).

Off to make my first juice now!

I'm Baaaaa-aaaaack!

Hello, loyal followers - er, I mean Sissy and sometimes Funny Nurse. :-/

It's been a busy week. I kept forgetting to post and it snowballed to the point that I was gone basically a whole week, yikes! Anyway, I'm still down 2.5 pounds from doing Paleo for the past couple of weeks - BUT, I did majorly cheat a few times and also my "Aunt Flo" was in town SO I didn't lose weight last week. Boooooo.

This week is a BRAND NEW week and I am starting over on Paleo! My goal is to eat ALL of the veggies in our crisper drawer:

-4 summer squash

-1 bag of hearts of Romaine lettuce (enough for 3 decent sized salads)

-3 onions (although I don't think I can eat all of those, maybe 2 of them?)

-2 green bell peppers

-1 bag of carrots - it's freakin huge, I think I can roast half the bag this week

-1 small bag of sugar snap peas ( i don't really want to eat these because they are NOT Paleo approved BUT the Hubbie bought them for me because he thought I would like them, so I should eat them)

I also have a pack of chicken tenders and some 93% ground beef that I will need to eat, along with 5 boiled eggs that I made this morning.

Let the veggie challenge begin!!

Paleo, Day 3 and Supreme 90 Day

Paleo Day 3 was a pretty good one. I felt MUCH better today! More energy, no headaches and my cravings for sugar are slowly going away. Today I was really craving peanut butter and luckily that is "sort of" Paleo (but definitely no carb, which is what will help me lose weight.

Foods:

-Egg and 1/2 ZBar

-HUGE salad with romaine, sauteed chicken, feta, tomatoes and cucumbers with Light Italian dressing

-several spoonfuls of peanut butter

-my homemade pasta sauce with grated cheddar cheese on top

-6 gingersnaps (small)

-Chocolate Brownie LARA bar (ummm AMAZING!!! definitely going to stock up on these next time I'm at the store!!)

Workout:

-walked 3.5 miles

Today was a pretty good day overall. Those gingersnaps probably weren't the best idea but they aren't that high in sugar/carbs. Hopefully it won't affect my weigh in tomorrow.

I was SUPER excited to discover my Supreme 90 Day fitness order had arrived in the mail today, YAAAAYYYY!!!!! I have been waiting a couple of weeks for this. I'm pretty addicted to exercise DVDs - I've done a lot of the Jillian Michaels ones and now I'm ready for something more challenging. Supreme 90 Day is basically the same as P90X but 1/4 of the price; I read several reviews of them (comparisons of the two) and all of the reviews say that they are the same.

I can't wait to start the program on Monday. I'm going to give each of the 11 DVDs a try, but I'm sure there will be certain ones that I DON'T like, especially the Cardio one. I prefer to get my cardio in by running. Their "schedule" for the program has you doing a workout every day for 6 days and then having a day off. I would like to do a workout every day M-F and then spend the weekend running and maybe doing the abs DVD. Plus I will be walking every morning with Mr Cuteness in his stroller - our "usual" now is 3.5 miles.

YAAAAYYYYY fun times ahead!

Paleo, Day 2

I love it when shit works out the way I want it to!!!! HOOORRRAAAAYYYY!! So today is actually Day 3 of Paleo, but I forgot to post yesterday.

There HAS to be something to this Paleo thing - I am down 2 pounds in just 2 days!! I have eaten "Paleo Perfect" with the exception of a couple small servings of dairy. I am hoping to stick to this for at least a couple weeks and see how much I can lose. Last time, I lost 5 pounds in 2 weeks and I wasn't even following the diet perfectly!

Not gonna lie, I felt like SHIZ yesterday - headaches and fatigue. But, today I feel much better!! I am sure that some of the weight loss is water, but I don't give a shit! It is so motivating to be down a couple pounds - it's really going to carry me through the weekend. I even went to the store yesterday and managed to NOT buy any candy! Woot. Major accomplishment.

Foods yesterday:

-Banana

-Hard boiled egg

-Homemade pasta sauce with small serving of reduced fat Cheddar

-Pistachios and Walnuts

-Peanut butter

-1/2 of a Zbar (my only carbs of the day)

-HUGE salad with romaine, sauteed chicken, feta, cucumber and tomatoes with a serving of light italian dressing

Workout:

-walked 3.5 miles

Paleo, Day 1

Today was Day 1 of Paleo, and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. However, I know that in a couple days I will start CRAVING sugar and carbs like a mo-fo and will need lots of willpower to resist.

Foods:

-boiled egg

-nectarine

-walnuts

-bunch of asparagus and one summer squash, sauteed, with some of my homemade pasta sauce on the side

-dinner was one cup of pasta sauce with a sprinkle of cheese (not Paleo approved but I am trying to ease into it)

Workout:

-walked 3.5 miles

I just had SUCH a relaxing bubble bath, ahhhhh!! I need to take more of those!

Back to Paleo I Go!

I just threw away the remainder of my M&Ms and chocolate chips. After a HORRENDOUS day of eating (nutrition wise), I felt I just had to purge my house of sweet things that have been tempting me.

I have decided to try a couple weeks of Paleo again. I need to give up sweets, period, and this is the only way I can think of to go cold turkey with a legitimate reason. The last time I did Paleo, I lost 3 pounds in the first week of following it 95%. Then I lost another 1.5 pounds in the second week by following it about 80%. I definitely cheated by eating some sweets and a few carbs in the form of LUNA bars.

This time, I'm going to REALLY try to follow it at least 98% - I might have some milk in my coffee or something, and I may have a LUNA bar on occasion (they are mostly soy anyway and have a very low glycemic index). I just need some fast results and I need to re-incorporate LOTS of veggies into my diet.

Foods:

-Huge bowl of rolled oats with mashed banana

-Ground beef, cooked from a couple nights ago

-SHITLOADS of M&Ms and a bag of Skittles

-A couple handfuls of potato chips

-A few spoonfuls of peanut butter

-A small cup of homemade pasta sauce with a pinch of cheese on it

Workouts:

-Walked 2 miles

-Ripped in 30, Level 2

On the bright side, I made a SUPER healthy homemade pasta sauce tonight:

-1 pound 93% lean ground beef

-1 red bell pepper

-1 large sweet onion

-2 (15oz) cans crushed tomatoes

-1 (15oz) can petite diced tomatoes

-small amount of olive oil to brown meat and veggies

-sage or other herbs to taste

I just cooked the ground beef in my Le Creuset dutch oven and set it aside. Then I diced and sauteed my onion and pepper in the same pot. I then added the ground beef back to the mix, along with the cans of tomatoes. I added some sage and then let simmer for about 20 minutes. I don't know the exact calories per 1 cup serving, but I would estimate that it's around 150-200 per cup. It made a TON, and when I divided the calorie total by 6, I got 220. I think it actually made 8+ cups at least. The ENTIRE pot was only 1500 calories, INCLUDING the beef! I think next time I would actually add a green bell pepper too, maybe another red bell pepper to have 2-3 bell peppers total. They are only 35 calories each and are packed with antioxidants and full of fiber.

Time for bed now! Looking forward to a fresh PALEO start tomorrow morning!!! :-)

Oatmeal, yum!

Today I ate oatmeal for 2 out of 3 meals. It was delicious. I'm really tired so I'm not going to write much tonight, but I will tomorrow, promise!

Foods:

-Rolled Oats with 1/2 banana, cinnamon, allspice and TEENY bit of honey

-Progresso High Fiber Vegetable Minestrone Soup and Veggie Burger

-M&Ms and Skittles, one serving of each (and it was DAMN GOOD, too!)

-Oats again but without banana this time and with one tablespoon brown sugar

-A couple bites turkey pepperoni and a few bites cooked ground beef

-Boiled Egg

Workout:

-Ran 3 miles

Super tired, so I'm off to bed now!!!

Today was a pretty good day I guess. More Turrrrrget, some furniture shopping - we need a new coffee table and end tables BEFORE Mr. Cuteness starts crawling - and grilling out some delicious ka-bobs!

Foods:

-Decaf coffee

-Avocado and WASA

-Muscle Milk

-Boiled Egg and some nibbles of Ground Beef that I cooked the night before

-M&Ms

-Chicken Kabobs - with onions, red peppers and pineapple

-small serving of brown rice

-Snickers Ice Cream cone

DAMN that Snickers Ice Cream cone!!! 250 calories and it wasn't even that good!!!!!! Never again.

Workout:

-3 mile walk with Mr Cuteness in jogging stroller

BLAHHHHH!!! I've been doing a pretty decent job of weaning myself off of candy and sticking to my calorie goals. I must have been eating WAAAYYYY more calories than I thought I was lately! How I've actually lost more weight is beyond me!

I also bought a dry erase board today so I can plan my meals the night before and stick to them like a little schedule, complete with calorie count and everything. This way I can try to avoid impulsive eating. Plus, I just love being organized like a SUPER NERD!!!

Ok, time for bed! Night!

Munchies

Today I had the munchies like a MotherF*$ker!! However, I stayed strong and somehow managed to still hit my NET calorie goal. Writing down everything right after/before I eat it is really helping me stay on track.

Food

-White Chocolate Macadamia Nut LUNA bar

-Avocado on WASA crackers

-small servings of Skittles and M&Ms

-Nectarine

-High Fiber Oatmeal

-Small nibbles of deli chicken and some hamburger meat that I'd prepared the night before

-Boiled Egg

Workouts

-Ran 3 miles

-Ripped in 30, Level 1

Thoughts/Observations

Previously while losing weight, I've had the "work hard during M-F and relax on the weekends" mentality. Not in terms of exercise, but in terms of keeping track of what I eat. I've rarely logged calories on the weekends. This needs to stop!! Obviously you can do a lot of damage on the weekends...frankly, it takes almost no time at all to start racking up RIDICULOUS calories by munching and making poor choices "just because it's the weekend". If I had just logged my calories on the weekends, I might not even be having to lose this extra 10 lbs!! Six months worth of not logging calories on the weekends and indulging is probably worth at least 5 lbs.

So, I'm going to make a concerted effort to log every single thing that I put into my mouth until I've lost this 10 lbs. REALLY, if I stick to my NET calorie goal each day, it should only take me two months total to lose this weight, but by the end of September at the very latest. That is my goal. I've actually been losing 4-5 lbs per month with about 50-75% effort. Frankly, in June I was eating whatever the heck I wanted to and still lost 4 lbs! And I even exercised much less because the summer heat had started and I was taking a break from my fitness DVDs at the time.

The point of this rant is: NO MORE HALF-ASSING! I don't want to be trying to lose this damn "last 10 pounds" forever!! I just want to get it over with so LET'S GOOOOO!!!!!!!!! :-)

Buying Things is Fun

Today was a pretty good day! I got to go buy some shit at Turrrrget, I bought some shit online (my favorite perfume, shower gel, and lotion was on sale on QVC...Philosophy's Amazing Grace!) and I also purchased a two-year subscription to Women's Health.

I am a longtime Women's Health reader, but last year when it was time for me to renew, I was pregnant and decided "Hey, I'm just going to be a fatass for the next 9 months anyway and won't be able to really do these workouts, so what's the point?" So I didn't renew my subscription. I'm SO glad I did now, though! I miss reading it!

Today's eats

-Chocolate Raspberry LUNA Bar

-Salad with Yogurt Ranch Dressing on Side

-One piece of cheese toast with tiny sliver of monterrey jack cheese and drizzle of olive oil to brown the toast

-Burger Patty with another small sliver of monterrey jack cheese (I wasn't going to have any cheese but husband put it on there before I could tell him not to

-1/4 cup dark chocolate M&Ms

-1/2 cookie

-Medium avocado on Wasa Light crackers

-4 cups of tea with NO HONEY!

Workouts

-Ran 3 miles with Mr Cuteness in the jogging stroller - it was hot as fuck outside and a little old lady stopped me to ask for directions. After I told her exactly where to go (ummm, literally two driveways down the road!), I then saw her pass her destination and go through two more stoplights... REALLY?!

-Came back home from run and did Ripped in 30, Level 1 while also trying to keep Mr Cuteness busy in his exersaucer and tummy time mat. Aaaaahhh the life of a stay at home mom! :-)

Observations

I've decided that I really just need to get my workouts OVER WITH early in the morning - or, by 11am at the latest like today. It's so much better to be able to enjoy my day without having to worry about fitting in my workout. I am really hoping to get an earlier start tomorrow and run a few miles with Mr Cuteness and then walk 2-3 more. I have a BOB stroller and LURRRRVE it, but am still getting the hang of steering it when it is in "jog mode"...it's a little tricky, but I am improving.

Avocado with Baked Lays is by far one of my most favorite combinations - I frequently make meals out of it. Today I had run out of Baked Lays and found some WASA Light crackers in my pantry that need to be eaten. I remember my SISSY saying that this was a good combo, so I gave it a try. I used a medium avocado and 5 WASA crackers and then added a little bit of salt on top. It was A-MAAAAAAZZZZIINNNNNG!!!!!!! Why haven't I listened to her and tried this before? Makes me mad at myself that I wasted a shitload of calories on stupid ass Baked Lays when I could have probably saved myself a few POUNDS by using this combo instead. Oh well, live and learn.

I drank 4 cups of tea today with NO HONEY, yaaayyy!!! It tasted almost the same, and I probably saved myself 200-300 calories! Once again, makes me mad at myself that I've wasted so many calories on shit I can't taste! Dammit!

I allowed myself some dark chocolate M&Ms and half a cookie when my sweet tooth started nagging me today, hehehe! I pre-portioned some dark chocolate M&Ms into little tupperwares, 1/4 cup each, for later snacking. My goal is to gradually wean myself down to 1/8 cup or less of sweets each day...baby steps. I'm willing to forgo 100-200 calories of "real food" in exchange for my sweet tooth - otherwise, I will just crave sweets and then binge on them to the EXTREME!!!

Hotness Tools

So today I decided that I needed some "Hotness Tools" to help me achieve my goals. I went on a quick trip to Turrrrrget (Target) and picked up some things that I am hoping will be effective for keeping track of my food, workouts and overall progress.

I channeled my inner nerd and went to the school supplies aisle. YAY!!! I love fresh school supplies in July!!!. The little girl down the aisle from me put it best when she exclaimed "I want new EVERYTHING!!!" The first thing I picked up for only $9.99 is this handy calendar/journal:

The colors aren't really that flourescent, I'm just using my shitty iPhone camera. Anyway, it's basically a super deluxe calendar from August 2011 - July 2012 with:

-Monthly view - to keep track of events/appointments, etc; I think I'm also going to log my weight, net calories and workouts on this each day so I can look at the whole month and see a snapshot of how I did.

-Week by week view - plenty of space to log my food and workouts daily, plus room for some notes

-Handy Notes page for each month - I'm going to use this to take my measurements at the beginning of each month and include losses

-Graph page for each month - I'm going to use this to create a weight-loss graph for each month. As I lose each pound, I can keep track of it and hopefully make a nice little line graph going down and down and DOWN each month until I hit my goal!

The other thing I bought is this cute binder with some blank sleeves. My plan is to cut out the exercise pages/excerpts from the fitness magazines I subscribe to and store them in this binder. That way, if I'm getting bored with my workout (which is SURE to happen!) I can flip through the binder and find something fun to do!

I've also decided that I'm going to subscribe to Oxygen magazine. I bought a copy today and I really like it a lot, so I think it's worth the $20/year to stay motivated! I might even subscribe to SELF and Cooking Light, can't decide...

So those are my fitness tools that I bought today. The only crappy thing is that the calendar doesn't start until August, so I'll have to keep using my other journal for the next 3 weeks! I'll be sure to do a post on my "system" for logging everything once I get started in August!

It's ON!!!

*in my best Cartman voice*

"Well well weeeelllll, loooook who it iiiissss...what a pleeeaaasant surpriiiiiiiisse"

Finally, damn! I mean, I've only been texting you for the past two days with "Hey sissy, I posted on the blog, go read it!" and "Hey sissy, have you read my blogs yet?????!!"

* CRICKETS ... CHIRP! CHIRP! *

Anyways, it's ON LIKE DONKEY KONG now, hooker!! In terms of a "contest", I guess we could have one although I think I'm motivated enough not to have one. Still, the thought of WINNING something is enticing....perhaps winner gets a magazine subscription of their choosing? Must be health/fitness related, though - it would make no sense whatsoever to win this bitch and celebrate with my new issues of Paula Deen (Paula Dang) magazine, now would it?? I will think about the "terms" and get back to you.

Sissy, would it help you if I sent you some non-weightbearing exercise videos like Pilates and Abs? You should also try biking if it doesn't hurt your ankle. I think we should both log our food intakes each day - it will keep us honest!!

Foods for today:

-Avocado with Baked Lays

-HUGE Salad with 2 Morningstar Black Bean Burgers and Bolthouse Yogurt Ranch dressing on side

-Nectarine and Apple

-Cheese Toast with 2% reduced fat cheddar cheese and lightly brushed with olive oil rather than butter

-FIVE cups of hot tea with just a smidge of honey in the first few cups

Workout:

-Ran 30 minutes (about 3 miles) on treadmill

After guzzling several cups of hot tea and not even being able to taste the honey that I put in it, I've decided to avoid using honey in my beverages (ie, decaf coffee and tea) for awhile. If I can't even taste the extra sweetness, then what is the point of wasting 60+ calories per serving on it? That shit adds up FAST.

Also, I think I'm going to suck it up and just start jogging with the jogging stroller in the mornings. Mr Cuteness (I don't want to use his name on the blog for privacy reasons) hasn't really been taking naps in the mornings consistently, so I'd rather spend 30-60 minutes jogging in the early morning and get it OVER WITH! Then I can do my DVD workout for 20-30 minutes afterwards when he plays in his exersaucer - he likes to watch me anyway!

I took a nice bubble bath tonight and it was just what my sore muscles needed - I should do that more often, but it's hard to find time sometimes! I'm super tired so I'm outtie! Night night!!

Stop making me look bad, Biatch!

TANTAN! GAH! I see you are hard at work already, trying to best us! Well, here's what I have to say about THAT: you are succeeding. :(

But only for the time being! Just until my sprained ankle, which as you know, I sustained while running with YOU, is better. However, I am s-l-o-w-l-y lobbing my fat self back on track. Today, I cleaned the house for 4 hours (the Hubs was really batching it up while I was on "vacation" - you would not believe some of the places I found his dirty socks)! Surprisingly, I gained NOTHING in the month that I was away (this was in part because I cooked most of the meals, but also because I wouldn't let Grammy bake any cakes or goodies, which resulted in a rash of cake-baking and pie-fixing the day before I left, supposedly because Uncle Walter was coming to visit, but really so she could send half a pound cake home with me!).

It wasn't until we got back to VT, and had company for a week who wanted to sample all of VT's culinary offerings (read: beer, Ben&Jerry's, cheese, and more beer), that I started "puffing" up. Yes, I said "puffing" - imagine a startled blowfish, without the spikes. It's more than just general bloating...it's like my arms, legs (especially my ankles), and middle all just swell up - and it usually happens when I drink a lot of beer, sadly. Is it water retention? Is it air? It remains to be seen whether real pounds were gained, but I definitely puffed up a pants size.

Luckily, our farm share has started and is providing us with bountiful produce - the perfect excuse to increase the proportion of veggies to meat and starch on our plates, which should reduce the puff effect. We've been having fantastic salads with butter lettuce and micro-greens, and last night I cooked up a pot of turnip and beet greens with a new recipe I found that uses no salty meat for flavoring, but instead uses garlic and onions. I even threw the peeled turnips in there and the Hubs loved them. I also roasted our first farm chicken and it was the leanest, most chicken-y chicken I've ever tasted. I am surreptitiously pushing us toward a lower-carb diet...shhhh, don't tell Hubsy!

So, how are we running this new challenge? Are we counting days? Percentage lost? Should we have rewards or incentives?

Snickers Ice Cream cone, you don't own me!!

Today was a pretty good day. I'm getting back on track with my workouts and healthy eating - I just need to keep this up for 1-2 weeks minimum so I can re-establish my habits.

Workouts:

-3 mile run; up North and back 2 times

-JM Ripped in 30 Level 1; my legs and butt were KILLING me today!!! I can tell it's going to take a few more days to get all of the soreness out.

Eats:

-ZONE Mint Chocolate bar and coffee

-HUGE salad with two black bean veggie burgers, feta, and yogurt Ranch dressing

-one meatball for a snack

-two gummy worms

-4 (YES, FOUR!!) ears of corn with a little butter and salt/pepper

-pineapple fruit popsicle

I would just like to point out that I had the pineapple popsicle INSTEAD of a Snickers Ice Cream cone!! Dear Husband brought home a box of Snickers Ice Cream Cones from the store today, thinking he would be treating both of us. Normally I would have jumped all over that shiz, BUT I am really making an effort to reduce my sugar intake, SOOOOO I made a HEALTHY decision and decided to pass (THIS TIME!). I'm secretly hoping he will eat them all himself this week and take these decisions out of my hands, muahahahhaha!!! (my evil laugh)

TanTan in the Hizz-ouse!!

What up, loyal followers!! And by "loyal followers", I mean Hempa and Funny Nurse (although I think Funny Nurse quit this bitch a long time ago, hehehe) My name is Tanner and I am Hempa's big sis. Like the aforementioned crazy trinas, I am also in the quest to lose some weight - those last 10 annoying-as-f*$k pounds that are preventing me from being as hot as possible.

I recently had a baby - if "recently" means last November - and have lost all my baby weight plus an additional 15 pounds. I want to lose 10 more because I was kinda chunky for my body type before getting preggo, soooooo I'm hoping blogging every day will hold me accountable for what I eat and how much I exercise...which will in turn help the pounds melt off faster than that dude's face in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

My food for today:

-Baked Lays and avocado

-Gummi Worms

-4 small meatballs

-the remainder of a bag of Hershey's Nuggets (about 8?)

-a few bites of a WhichWich sandwich

-a few spoon fulls of White Chocolate Wonderful peanut butter

Yeah, so I ate a lot of shit today - don't judge! I have almost run out of candy in my house (just a few gummi worms left and some Lifesavers, but clearly the Lifesavers are for bigtime emergencies because REALLY, who is satisfied by those? How dare they call themselves "candy"!) and I'm going to TRY not to buy any more. Candy/refined sugars is what makes me hold onto weight, so if I can just avoid that stuff for a month or so I can lose some pounds fast.

My workout today was Jillian Michaels' Ripped in 30 DVD, Level 1 - that shit was HARD. A couple months ago I did the 30 Day Shred with Hempa and I saw good results, so I'm hoping this gets me even more toned. I can tell already that it will be much harder than Shred. It has 4 Levels, which you do for a week at the time. I'm going to do it Monday-Friday and save my weekends for long runs and possibly going back to ballet class? I want to lose 5 pounds before I DARE go into the ballet studio in a leotard with mirrors all around!!

Ok, so that was my first day. I should probably take some before and after photos but I don't have time right now...maybe later?!!

Tan

I wanna dance, too!

FunnyNurse! I'm so glad to see you! I was really hoping we weren't going to let this thing die just yet. It's been super motivating for me. The dance workouts sound awesome - I'm totally Netflixing that shit! I'm getting so tired of Jillian Michaels, I think I'm going to break that DVD as soon as I get through Level 3. Or maybe I'll just mail it to my mom.

I haven't been doing real "workouts" every day, either - I have come to accept that I'm just not cut out for that sort of rigidity. I would need somebody following me around, kicking my ass and making me do it. But I have been trying to do some form of semi-strenuous physical activity (as in, more taxing than carrying laundry up and down the stairs), even if it just means weeding the flowerbed. Which is quite strenuous, as it turns out. I'm sore today - especially my knees. Yes, she said that!

Nevertheless, I do feel like we need to get pumped up again about this getting in shape business...it's supposed to be a Countdown to Hotness, after all, not a Slow Progression Toward Mediocrity. How can we recipro-motivate each other? (Yes, I am trying to coin a term for reciprocal motivation. Help me out here.) Should we come up with incentives? Bribes? What sort of carrot/stick combination can we use to get our asses back in high gear?

Dance Dance Revolution

Okay. After my break via vacation time, I came back into this thing with a poot rather than a bang. I needed to find something to rock my ass back into workout mode- running on the treadmill while listening to Ke$ha just was not going to do it.
But you know was does?
Rocking your favorite work out clothes (complete with a t-shirt I cut so it turned into a shorter off the shoulder type thing) while dancing. I mean, not just 'dancing' like, by myself in my living room, but for reals, going on Netflix, going to Sports and Fitness and picking Dance Fitness. Yeah. There are like, 7 videos!! So I have been doing this at night, and it has been rocking my world.
I even did my hair one time and danced it out. Add some lipstick and DO WHAT I DO- pretend you are on the set of glee and are a cast member.
And just out of curiousty, I went to you tube and thought...hmmm, what if I want to learn how to dance the Single Ladies dance?  done-

So I have been doing this, but I have to say, I am not exercising every single day. I do not have the time/energy to do that and I get tired/hurt/bored before I can get a routine down. But I am still in this. GO HOTTIES!!

Happy Springtimes!

Oh, Springtimes! How I missed you! Living below the Mason-Dixon line these past MANY years caused me to forget what you were all about. I'm so glad we can be friends again! Instead of a week of vicious pollen followed by the blistering heat of Summer, we can enjoy together gentle breezes, warm sun, and at least a solid month of daffodils, hyacinths, and violets.

We can also enjoy outdoor activities! So, peeps (and by peeps, I mean FunnyNurse and my sister), it's true I haven't posted in a while. It's also true that the interruption in posts coincided with the Hubs's first stretch of days off since this little project started. I see you over there, all smug, assuming that he got me off track - that we spent those days gorging on bacon and butter, rolling around in bed, and vegging out in front of Battlestar Galactica. But you would be WRONG! Except about the Battlestar Galactica part. And the bed part - but not the rolling. We are way too fat for vigorous rolling. That's not to say we wouldn't roll downhill if placed horizontally at the top.

But ANYWAY...the real reason I haven't posted is that on his first day off, we went to a bike swap and he bought me a bike! A bicycle, not a motorcycle. Let's not get carried away here. And because of that bike purchase, almost every day since has been spent outside, biking up and down the little hills and valleys near our house, the wind in my hair and the bugs in my teeth. OK, not really the bugs - but, as my sister will attest, I did get bugs caught in my teeth while bike-riding when we were little. No, not on purpose. Gross.

Don't get me wrong - Jillian still made her appearance this last week. Twice with Hubby (I know, right? Shocker!), and twice by myself. Well, Sammy was there. He's gotten a little more "calm" about the whole thing...not surprisingly, that coincided with me finally figuring out how to turn Jillian's voice off but keep the music on. It's amazing that some producer had the foresight to include that option on the DVD...but, I guess, not so surprising. Clearly, my sister, my husband, my dog, and I are not the only ones in the world bothered by her nerve-grating screeching. But even with her voice turned off, the abs portion of the workouts has gotten more challenging, with the addition of a 13-lb. dog on my chest, licking my face and preventing normal breathing. I know it will make me stronger in the end.

I do have to admit, though, I've lost count of the days...I think we are on Day 15 now...right? Who cares. I know I'm going to keep going after 30 days anyway - the spurt (I know, gross word) of energy this whole thing has brought me was exactly what I needed to get past the blah of Muddy March in Vermont. It's been nice feeling like I'm actually doing something GOOD for myself. And, here's the kicker: without even really realizing it, I have lost 5.5 pounds! I've just been chugging away, totally forgetting about the scale in the bathroom, and I stepped on it this morning and BAM! For once, I feel like my efforts are starting to pay off.

And now, I'm going to ride my bike!

Taxicab Confessions

So, I have a little confession to make. I didn't do the workout video on Day 6, yesterday, a.k.a. Easter Sunday. I took a 50-minute walk at a "Sammy trot" pace, I'd say about 4 mph if I'd been able to clock it on a treadmill. That's over 3 miles. I was still sore when I was done. I thought this definitely counted as a workout.

But then, I was tricked by my evil sister. You see, we had decided TOGETHER not to do the video, take a "rest day", and pick it back up today. But you know what she did? In the evening, after I was already showered and tucked into a 3-hour ironing marathon (yes, I save it all up for one shebang, so what? It's not procrastination - it's efficiency), I got a text from her saying she DID THE DVD!!! Jerkface! I felt tricked. Bamboozled, even. Also, I felt Guilty, with a capital G, for not doing my workout DVD when I probably should have, holiday or not. The 30-Day Shred isn't "The Sort-Of 30-Day Shred, With Time Off For Holidays". So what did I do to make up for it?

Today, I got up with The Hubs and we took Sam for a 45-minute walk. Then, after Hubsy went to work, I did Level One of my workout. And then, people, THEN:

I did Level Two.

Yes. You read that correctly. I did BOTH Level One and Level Two, back to back, with minimal groaning, and only a short period of catatonic-lying-on-the-floor-panting ("resting") afterward. Sammy was so frantic with worry at all the jumping around of TWO workout sessions, not to mention a collapsed mother, I had to hold a couch pillow between us to keep him from licking my skin off. Therefore, I'm counting today as TWO days, Day 6 and Day 7. I think it's only fair.

How many calories does ironing burn? I think I'll go back to that.

Frieeeday, Frieeeday, gettin' down on Frieeeday...

Day 4? Done. That was Thursday. Not much to talk about...didn't feel like doing it, but I did it. Yeah, that's right - I'm an adult. The Hubs? Not so much. He escaped off to work before I could force him into his workout gear, leaving me to struggle through 30 minutes of Jillian torture during the mid-afternoon slump, when any other normal person (read: toddler, but who am I kidding? I would love to be a toddler again) would be napping. It helped to put the TV on mute.

Day 5, the proverbial Friday, was much more difficult...not only was it a fabulous day outside, I didn't wake up until almost 11 am, which threw my whole day off. When Hubsy went to work (no workout done, of course), I did all my errands - post office, farm market, yarn store, library, grocery store - just to be outside in the awesome weather. Granted, yesterday's high was 54 (F, not C, this is Vermont), but compared to 34 and snow flurries like we had on Thursday, it felt like North Carolina in June. I didn't wear a coat, people! I also didn't get home until 7:30 pm, so after putting the groceries away, taking Sammy for his walk, and skimming all of my library books (I know, not necessary, but we were in procrastination mode at this point), it was 9:30 before I started on my workout.

Now, FN, you know I'm usually a morning workout person. You've hyped the evening workout in the past, but I'll admit, I was a skeptic. Until now. Holy energy, Batman! I had SO much more energy at 9:30 pm than 9:30 am! I think I'm your newest convert, Evening Workout! We'll see how today goes. And you know what day today is?

5 down, 25 to go.

Bring it

I love the accountability of another hot mama.
There are so many days like today where I have been on my feet for 10+ hours, running around, getting crap from doctors, getting belittled by hillbilly coworkers and all I want to do it go home, drink a stiff martini and go to bed. BUT NO.
The problem with that mentality is that is makes me feel even worse. I mean, for obvious reasons, feeling bad and then diving into a bottle of delicious Ketel One is dangerous. But compound that with the endorphin and adrenaline rush you get from physical exercise- I mean, going to the gym for even 20 minutes, makes me feel so so much better.
My day at work was fine, funny docs, good coworkers, it was all giggles for 8 hours, but dammit, the last two hours, with three other nurses who were foul mouthed and horrible, it was awful. My go to gut reaction is to bury me head in a pile of cheese like some fat ostrich, but instead, I had to do those mental gymnastics, those mind fucks that make you change your normal damaging way of thinking. Instead, I DID by vodka, but before I drank it, I went to the gym and even though it was something as simple as fast walking on the treadmill- the combination of intense calf pain and the best 'This American Life' I have heard in a while I was over my drama and my depression and anger and got the kick of endorphins I needed.
Sadly, I know no idea what I weigh and though i work in a hospital, it is a shitty hospital because I cannot find a god damn scale. I mean, COME ON!! So I am eating hummus and roasted red peppers and salad and fruit for my meals and hoping that weight ain't nothin' but a number-the real benefit is feeling good and working on my self with my best friend...and her dog...and her husband.
Day three- DONE.
I am worried about my trip to NYC this weekend- only because I will lose the dedicated work out time I am trying to make into a habit. Oh well- I guess i will bring sneakers and work out gear and keep you guys posted/

3/27

The Hubs is home. Sammy is overjoyed - his pack is once again complete. Having a mental age of about 2 means that the Samster has a toddler's idea of the permanence of things - when something's here, it's here forever, but if it's gone, it's gone forever. Ergo, whenever the Hubs comes back from an AF Reserve duty weekend, it's like Sam's dad is back from the dead - meaning his mom gets a brief reprieve from constant puppy-dogging. I had my lap to myself last night and actually got some knitting done.

In bigger news, Day Three's workout is DONE. The Hubs did it with me. Well, he was behind me the whole time, so I can't actually attest to how much he did, besides smack my butt while I was doing my squats and accuse me of "floppy" jumping jacks. He certainly bitched enough about having to do it - yet, was amazingly quiet for the duration, as opposed to my pretty much constant stream of expletives. I suspect he was trying too hard to breathe to be able to talk. Love you, Hubs.

Yes, people, I have made it 3 days in a row. This in itself is not a big deal, for me - I can make it to 3 days in a row of pretty much any activity. It's making it to 4 consecutive days that's the feat for me. For whatever reason, every exercise program I've attempted in the past has not lasted more than 3 days in a row, even with the best intentions.

It's not that I'm too tired, or I physically can't do it - I mean, I'm a fairly healthy (if overweight) 26-year-old with a history of participating in school sports, which clearly required practices more than 3 days in a row. No, it's not that I don't have the actual ability...it's more subtle than that. It's almost like, if I've given something 3 days, I feel like I've done enough of it - I just don't find it necessary to go to 4. It's like my brain says, "OK, you've given it your best shot, and you're still fat. On to something else now." This would be hard to explain to someone who's never been overweight, but I feel like my fellow fatties might get me on this one: no matter how pumped-up you can be for some new diet or regimen, once a certain amount of time goes by (for me, evidently, 3 days) without any evidence of the miracle result you pumped yourself up for, your brain just shuts the operation down. There's no more motivation to keep trying when you have nothing there to make you want to persevere.

I don't mean to sound like a sad sap, one of those overweight people who have just consigned themselves to be that way forever, because they've tried their entire lives to lose weight, without result. I haven't been trying my whole life - only the past 4 years. I wasn't fat when I was young, or in college. But I have gained 60 pounds in the last 4 years. Sixty. pounds. This corresponds with the date I got married, but also the time that I stopped walking around a college campus or to work, and started sitting at a desk job for 8 to 10 hours a day. But over those last 4 years, I have tried, and failed at, almost every diet program out there, even the clearly dangerous ones. I've taken Hydroxycut. I've done Fat Flush, the Best Life Diet, the Rice Diet, and bought a Wii Fit, which got used exactly 3 times. The only one I had marginal success with was Fat Flush - I lost 15 pounds, only to have gained it back by the end of the year. Even though I haven't been trying to lose weight my whole life, I know what failure feels like. It's a short jump from there to desperation. And an even shorter one to depression.

But this time, I'm going to make it to 4 days. I'm going to take off these 60 pounds. Because this time, I have something I didn't have before: a partner. This blog was FunnyNurse's idea, a way to keep each other updated about our joint progress. But it's more than that: it's a system of accountability. I got up this morning knowing I had to do my workout not just because I told myself I would, but because I told FN I would, and because I wanted to be able to post on here that I did it. I love you, FN, and we're in this together. And you know what else?

I've lost 2 pounds.

2 Down, 28 To Go

When I started my workout DVD yesterday morning, Sammy ran to hide in his crate. He goes there when he needs to feel safe. I may have already mentioned that he doesn't like exercise (except his daily walks - why do dogs like to walk so freaking much?), but he especially hates any activity that involves jumping around.

And this DVD involves LOTS of jumping around - jumping jacks, pretend jumping rope, and these torturous but ridiculous things Jillian calls "butt-kicks" - the idea being, I assume, to kick your own ass. But try as I might, the closest I can get to kicking myself in the rear is a sort of gimpy, flailing, running-in-place motion. While holding my boobs. If I could reach through that screen and ask that Natalie what sort of sports bra she's got on, I would - her jooblies hardly jooble, even when she's doing her butt-kicks, her heels perfectly striking her butt each time. Anita, the other "assistant" girl, and Jillian both have no boobs to speak of. I bet all their shirts fit them perfectly. Bitches. FunnyNurse, I know you get me.

Anyway...let's get back on track here. I thought Day Two was going to be worse than Day One - you know, with the whole being sore thing - but it wasn't. It actually felt kind of good to stretch my sore muscles and get them warm. I was sort of surprised, but it went by really fast - so fast, I felt the need for more exercise, and took Sammy on a 40-minute walk. Which he appreciated. And proved it, by pooping - twice. Thanks, Sam. Looooovvve yoooooouuuu...

Shred THIS, Jillian Michaels

The Challenge: a pound for pound smackdown

The Goal: Awesomeness in Lady Form

The Prize: um, we haven't decided yet...

You see (and I'm speaking to the proverbial "you", as I doubt anyone but FunnyNurse will actually be reading this), FN and I have been partners in crime since the good ol' days - you name it, we've probably done it together, and we've done it with style. Oh, yes. Tact, not so much. But definitely plenty of style.

Now we've teamed up to bring that style to a whole new ballgame: turning our lady lumps into lovely bumps. Wait...that makes it sound like we're trying to get knocked up...sorry, this is not that kind of blog. I'm talking about fitness here, people. Gettin' in shape!

My plan: 30 straight days of Jillian Michaels' "30-day Shred" DVD (not trying to plug any products here - it's literally the only workout DVD I own, and I'm still foggy on how it came to be in my possession) - every day, rain or shine, sore or not, happy or sad. Mostly sad, I'm sure. Jillian is one mean bitch. She's clearly a sadist.

Today was Day One.

Day One is always the hardest. I lacked motivation from the start; rolling out of that flannel-sheeted and down-comfortered bed was torture. Even the dog hid under the covers. Sammy's never been one for exercise or early rising. The Hubs is out of town and the blissful, snore-free quiet held me down until 9:30, an hour and a half after my alarm went off.

I slugged down to the kitchen and then came the decisions: coffee before workout? (Answer: no. It sucks your hydration and gives you a headache. Lesson learned.) Do I have to take the dog out first? (Answer: yes. Or he will bother the mess out of you during your workout.) Should I answer the phone if my parents call? (Answer: decidedly not. The reasons defy number.)

Then I couldn't find my handweights. Then I needed a glass of water after all that coffee. Then I wanted to vacuum the floor before I got down to do the abs part of the workout. I could have come up with a zillion reasons NOT to do my workout, not the least of which being I REALLY DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT. But you know what?

I did it.

That's right - I DID IT!

And you know what? It felt great. It felt like I had done my homework for the day. I was scot-free to do whatever the hell else I wanted! So I took Sammy for a proper walk. And then I vacuumed the rest of the floor.

One down, 29 to go.

The Countdown Begins.....